Dearest,
As I sit in this vaguely empty room filled with computers and books, it occurs to me how badly a major part of me wants to go away from all this chaos. A room filled with crimson smell of books, humanly odors, floating thoughts wavering every second fails to contain me here. I wish I could leave everything back and run as fast as I could and not turn back until I reach some place without any inhibitions.
Being free is the most pleasurable feeling and I don't remember the last time I had a chance to behold it. Probably among the mountains of Parvati or somewhere in the deep deep woods of Kodaikannal, I don't quiet remember now. Everything seems lucid and vague. Like a star far away that I could only see by straining my eyes. My memory seems to have forgotten the sweet taste of freedom. To live in the wilderness as wild.
Leaving is not easy. It means leaving everything and every one behind. Commitments, family, education, love, life that is already preset by social norms. I have started to wonder if I had a change to recreate my entire life, would I include anything from present. Probably not. As much I love my family and work, I cannot stay with me. The love that they bestow upon me is futile because sadly so, I cannot reciprocate it the way they expect it from me.
The problem is, a few people are born detached. I think I am one among them. Not that I am looking for a way to run away from commitments, on the contrary, I know I cannot. But, is it necessary to seek solace in love, always?
Lost,
D
As I sit in this vaguely empty room filled with computers and books, it occurs to me how badly a major part of me wants to go away from all this chaos. A room filled with crimson smell of books, humanly odors, floating thoughts wavering every second fails to contain me here. I wish I could leave everything back and run as fast as I could and not turn back until I reach some place without any inhibitions.Being free is the most pleasurable feeling and I don't remember the last time I had a chance to behold it. Probably among the mountains of Parvati or somewhere in the deep deep woods of Kodaikannal, I don't quiet remember now. Everything seems lucid and vague. Like a star far away that I could only see by straining my eyes. My memory seems to have forgotten the sweet taste of freedom. To live in the wilderness as wild.
Leaving is not easy. It means leaving everything and every one behind. Commitments, family, education, love, life that is already preset by social norms. I have started to wonder if I had a change to recreate my entire life, would I include anything from present. Probably not. As much I love my family and work, I cannot stay with me. The love that they bestow upon me is futile because sadly so, I cannot reciprocate it the way they expect it from me.
The problem is, a few people are born detached. I think I am one among them. Not that I am looking for a way to run away from commitments, on the contrary, I know I cannot. But, is it necessary to seek solace in love, always?
Lost,
D
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