Ranting!

It has again been a long long time since I wrote anything at all. Perhaps I should erect a statue for my insincerity towards anything. Well, expect for my laziness. Now that my exams are on the verge of taking my life away, I got an epiphany to you know, blog. Mostly vent out how disgusting it is to study and give exams.

The other day I had plans to travel to a new place and to live in the wilderness for a nice amount of time. Thanks to my life, just like always it came in between and shattered my cozy dreams. Hence, I am unguarded for my exams. I will have to face the wrath all by myself and most of all, alone.

I constantly keep wondering these days if it is normal to lose excitement towards everything. There were things that amused me. Travelling, reading, meeting new people and the list goes on. But now everything seems grey and dull. Mostly, pointless. At the end of the day, futility overtakes me and I immerse myself into a deep slumber, only to wake up feeling bad in the morning. Is it because of my fast approaching exams or is it something else that I am unable to decipher presently?

The point I am trying to weave out is nothing. I want to rant and right now, it is the only possible thing striking me. Rant and rant, till I properly get bored or tired and magically regain my amusement towards something. Until then, you are my boxing bag!

Broken!

Fallen over the isolated land
broken and bruised
we lay beside each other,
stagnate and weak.
What once was a whole,
lays shattered into pieces.
What once we built
has now become ashes.
Yet we lay in each other's company,
With those tormenting past
that nurtures our broken skin
to reconcile,
Someday.

In the finding!

I walked across the broken land of Hampi, under the sun blazing its love all over the place. Tired from the past and dissatisfied with the present, I stepped inside a broken temple. Broken architecture has never failed to allure me with its story. As a writer, I have loved breathing in different stories from different people. Looking at this one majestic temple which now has fallen down with time, chaos and struggle, I wondered how much I can relate to it. Isn't it how life is? So glorious at once and then, absolutely weak to move forward. Everything around is just a perfect allegory to life. Everything has its story which is at some point of time happy and pompous but with time, loses everything until the very existence of it disappears into the ground.

As I laid my hands against the disfigured sculpture, I felt a rush within me. Like all these while the piece of stone survived to narrate its tale and I, waiting to listen to it. I still have not conquered the art of weaving out stories that I inhale. Somehow I feel, it dissolves within me and merges with my soul. May be that is why I feel heavy from within. May be that is while I feel empty. But, Something did change after my trip. Something I thought was mine slipped beautifully out of skin and vanished. Is this what everyone feels after travelling? A step closer to realizing that there is absolutely nothing that we can hold onto. A complete obscurity of thoughts that drifts apart slowly and most importantly, painfully.

Everything is on its way to the river, said Hughes. I guess that is what is the truth, The ultimate reality of life. Everything is on its way to destruction. It is very paradoxical that we still brag about our identity in this transience. We lead an anonymous life veiling ourselves with an identity that flies away with time. So who are we to rely upon and how to really accept this flow of nature? How to not get attached? I wish I could answer these questions. I wish I knew the answers. But, I don't. Not this time. Until I find a redemption to this vicious circle of life, I am going to wander like a leaf fallen out of the tree. Get stamped on, lose my colors and be torn apart. Because by the end, I believe I will have something to tell. My story to narrate to yet another wanderer.